The other day, we posted a very important moment that was shared between us and a friend of ours. We shared it as an attempt to inspire and help people out. Our friend helps us out a lot, and we both felt sharing her story would be helpful. She at one point was a t a spot where she wanted to end it all, and never would have believed she would be where she is today.
It didn't make sense for us to write out her story. Its hers, therefor, she should be the one to tell it. What you are about to read is a letter of sorts from a girl we fondly call, Jose. We highly recommend you read it, maybe it will inspire someone out there. Whether its to keep on living, or help someone out in their struggles, we hope you take something away from this.
Hi guys! So if you're reading this, I'm sure you've read Immortal Music's last post. (If not, it was basically about me - Pablo - and how as of today, May 18th, 2015, I am officially a year and a half clean from self harm. And how the creator of Immortal Music - we'll call her Jose because it's an inside joke - was the reason for it). Well, I'm not entirely sure where to start. I'm sure I'm not the first person to tell you that life isn't easy. We all have rough spots, and some of them are harder than others. For me, it started early on. When I was 3 or 4, I was diagnosed with an anxiety disorder. It got so bad that I used to beg my parents not to leave the house because I was scared they wouldn't come back. And I got put on medication for it that made me sleep all the time - so when I started going to school that became an issue. And eventually we decided I didn't need it anymore. Fast forward a few years, and you have a 9 year old me who got treated like crap by the other kids at school. They all hated her, and they made it perfectly clear. At this point, I was just starting to wonder just how painful death could possibly be. But I'd never admit that. Fast forward another few years, to when I was 15. My best friend at the time was dating someone who consumed her life, and she stopped talking to me as much, and seeing me. We fought but in the end we made it out okay. One night, I stumbled upon a page called "Music = Life." And I decided to like it, because hey, it's a music page. What's not to like? And as I saw all the posts, I realized that whoever it was, had amazing music taste. After a while, (in May or June of 2013), I decided to message her. I was nervous, because I'd never done it before and I was scared she wouldn't like me. But I thought she was cool and figured, why not? But little did I know, that one message was going to change my life in ways I couldn't have ever imagined. When her and I started talking, I wasn't exactly in the best place. I self harmed pretty much every day, and was often suicidal. I had lost almost all my friends, and I just felt very alone. I felt like I had no one I could talk to about what was going on. As we talked more and more, she managed to break the wall down and get me to open up. Once she knew what was going on, she helped me every way she could. And I slowly got better. I felt less alone, and I knew i could talk to her, which was nice. Her and I helped each other through our problems. Then, when I was 17, I hit another rough patch. I had dated a girl for 8 months who ended up breaking my heart, and it killed me. I just couldn't take it, so I went back to self harming. I talked to Jose about it, and I was okay for about a month, but one night I knew just couldn't take it anymore. That night I got really suicidal, and I decided to try to kill myself. I couldn't take it anymore, and I just snapped. The attempt obviously didn't work, but I was desperate to just be gone already. I really felt like my "friends" wouldn't have cared. But Jose proved me wrong. She was genuinely worried about me, she kept messaging me to make sure I was okay, and she made me promise her never to do it again. Of course I said I would try, but no promises. Well, here I am, a year and a half later. Completely clean from self-harm. That's not to say the urges aren't there, because they certainly have been. Everyone who self harms (or ever has) does get the urge at some point. But the problem isn't always when you get the urge to self harm, it's what you do when you get it. It's how you handle it. Do you try to talk yourself out of it? Do you ignore it? Do you take it out a different way? I know there are people out there who give in to those urges. And the reason I know that is because I used to be one of those people - key words being, "used to be."
I've always said Jose came into my life at the most perfect time. I was alone, and I felt like I didn't have anyone who I could talk to. She was dealing with some issues at the time as well, and I did everything I could to help her from across the country. (Oh yeah, did I mention we've never met in person?) Jose was more than just somebody to talk to when I was upset. She taught me that you need to not give into the urges to hurt yourself, but rather find a different outlet to get out your emotions. She also taught me that sometimes, even when you're at your lowest point in life, all it takes is one person. One person to come into your life, and make you see that life isn't worth giving up on. All it takes is one person to be there for you, and to never give up on you. And for me, that person happened to be her. She is my inspiration when I don't have any, and my reason to keep going every single day, even when I don't want to. I'm grateful for everything she's done for me, and I want to try to do the same thing for other people. If you're reading this, and you need a sign to not self harm, or to not pill yourself, let this be it. If it wasn't for her, I wouldn't be graduating high school in a month. I wouldn't be attending my top school in the fall to begin studies that will launch me into my dream career of being a music therapist. I wouldn't have even had the desire to get to this point if it wasn't for her. I am living proof that no matter how bad life gets, it will always get better. If anyone needs to talk, please feel free and message Immortal Music any time, and she will answer you as soon as she can. But please, please stay strong.
And to quote my favorite song by my favorite band, "Darling, you'll be okay."
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